correction en anglais

[koralyie]

Bonjour, je cherche qqun qui pourrait me corriger.

Je viens de faire un texte mais je ne sais pas si ce que j'ai écrit est compréhensible pour d'autres personnes à part moi.

Voici mon résumé :

This article is an extract from the bbc news' site. It's untitled "child food high in salt and fat", and it was published in 2006.

This article deals with a well-known subject which is the children way of eat. I'll divided my presentation into 2 parts.

First, i'll talk about the problem due to how and what children are eating nowadays.

And secondly, i'll explain different solutions we have to face this problem.

To begin, this article tells us about a surveyx made by the Trading Standards Institute. This survey informs us that many children eat foods which contained too much salt or fat. We learn that children's favourite foods are for example crisps, desserts and sweets. Or everybody knows that eating products like those (meaning too salty or too greasy), can develop many diseases like obesity or heart attacks. We also understand, thanks to this article, that the guideline daily amounts of fat for young boys and girls is between 70 and 85g. But for example, if childrens eat foods like sweets, pizza, snack and soda in one day, they could consumed nearly 133g of fat which is to high for youngers.

So we can talk now about solutions we have to face the problem. We can make something for these children. According to Phil Thomas the Trading Standards Institute spokesman, parents should check the amounts of fat and salt when choosing foods for their children. To help them, supermarkets could simply use a system of different colors which show directly the level of fat or salt or sugar. Then, if a product indicates "green", it would mean that it's a good health food.

But there's another solution tested in France which is not mentionned in this article. French Tv decided to write a little sentence in advertisings about food. So now in france we can see something like "éviter de manger trop salé ou trop sucré" for instance. It's another way of prevention to inform, not just parents who buy food, but also children who are eating food in front of the television.

To conclude, this text tells us about a society problem, the way of eat. We understood that many children could develop diseases due to a bad way of eat but we know now that there are many solutions to face this problem too.

Please help.

Qqun peut me dire mes fautes ?? svp

[Gribouillette]

Euh... je n'ai trouvé aucune erreurs, et pourtant j'ai relu 2 fois!

En même temps, je suis loin d'être une pro en anglais, alors...

Je trouve ton exposé très bien, très compréhensible (en tout cas, j'ai tout compris!)

Je me pose juste une question: tu fais parfois des phrases très longues qui passent très bien à l'écrit, mais couleront-elles aussi bien à l'oral?

Enfin, je dis ça mais je ne connais pas ton niveau, tu as l'air de plutôt bien te débrouiller!

C'est juste que moi il faut que je me fasse des phrases méga courtes, genre Sujet + Vb + compl pour éviter de me perdre à l'oral et de lire complétement ma feuille!!!

[koralyie]

Euh... je n'ai trouvé aucune erreurs, et pourtant j'ai relu 2 fois!

En même temps, je suis loin d'être une pro en anglais, alors...

Je trouve ton exposé très bien, très compréhensible (en tout cas, j'ai tout compris!)

Je me pose juste une question: tu fais parfois des phrases très longues qui passent très bien à l'écrit, mais couleront-elles aussi bien à l'oral?

Enfin, je dis ça mais je ne connais pas ton niveau, tu as l'air de plutôt bien te débrouiller!

C'est juste que moi il faut que je me fasse des phrases méga courtes, genre Sujet + Vb + compl pour éviter de me perdre à l'oral et de lire complétement ma feuille!!!

C'est bien là mon pb ...

J'arrive à faire d belles phrases à l'écrit mais dire com ça cash à l'oral jarriv pa...........

et dc effectivemen jai tendance à lire cque jai écri mai sinon je narrive pa à parler pendant 5 minutes et je m'embrouille....

Snif snif snif dc tu pe pa vraimen te fier à ce texte parcqu'au final je me débrouille pas si bien du tt à l'oral.

[Noann]

Je t'ai fait quelques corrections, elles sont soulignées. C'est très compréhensible, même s'il y a quelques maladreses, c'est pas mal du tout!

This article is an extract from the bbc news' website . It's untitled "child food high in salt and fat", and it was published in 2006.

This article deals with a well-known subject which is the way children eat I will divide my presentation into 2 parts.

First, i'll try to explain how children are eating todays, and what the underlying causes of their bad diet might be.

In my secont part, i'll list different solutions that could solve this issue.

First of all, this article tells us about a survey led by the Trading Standards Institute. This survey informs us that many children eat foods which are too rich in salt or fat. We learn that children's favorite foods are for example crisps, desserts and sweets, even if everyone knows that products like these (that is too salty or too greasy), increase the risks of obesity or heart diseases. We also understand, thanks to this article, that the recommended daily amount of fat for young boys and girls is between 70 and 85g per day. But for instance, if children eat foods like sweets, pizza, snacks and soda in one day, they could consume nearly 133g of fat which is too high for the young.

So we can talk now about the solutions we have to face the problem. We can make something for these children. According to Phil Thomas the Trading Standards Institute spokesman, parents should check the amounts of fat and salt when choosing foods for their children. To help them, supermarkets could simply use a system of different colors which show directly the level of fat or salt or sugar. Then, if a product indicates "green", it would mean that it's a good health food.

But there's another solution tested in France which is not mentioned in this article. French Tv decided to write an additional caption in the ads about food. So now in France we can see something like "éviter de manger trop salé ou trop sucré" (tu devrais le traduire "don't eat too much salt and sweets" par exemple) . It's another way of prevention to inform, not just parents who buy food, but also children who are eating food in front of the television.

As a conclusion, we can tell that , this text tells us about a society problem, the way of eat. We understood that many children could develop diseases due to a bad way of eating but we know now that there are many solutions to face this problem too.

[koralyie]

Je t'ai fait quelques corrections, elles sont soulignées. C'est très compréhensible, même s'il y a quelques maladreses, c'est pas mal du tout!

Merci beaucoup pour la correction. Ca m'aide à travailler mon voc aussi (surtt pr la partie "plan")

Juste une question : advertising on pe dire ad à la place com tu l'as écri ? je ne connaissais pas mais je pense que c familier com nous qd on dit pub ? c bien cela ?

[Noann]

Oui on peut l'écrire, c'est moins familier que pub en français, et c'est utilisé bien plus souvent que advertisings qui sonne un peu artificiel. Par contre, si l'on parle de la publicité en général, on dira adverstising (toujours au singulier); en espérant t'avoir aidée.

[pitchounem]

entitled au lieu de untitled

[Carole06]

This article is an extract from the bbc news' website . It's entitled "child food high in salt and fat", and it was published in 2006.

This article deals with a well-known subject which is the way children eat I will divide my presentation into 2 parts.

First, i'll try to explain how children are eating nowadays, and what the underlying causes of their bad diet might be.

In my secont part, i'll list different solutions that could solve this issue.

First of all, this article tells us [NON !!] speaks / is about a survey led by the Trading Standards Institute. This survey informs us that many children eat foods which are too rich in salt or fat. We learn that children's favorite foods are for example crisps, desserts and sweets, even if everyone knows that products like these (that is / are too salty or too greasy), increase the risks of obesity or heart diseases. We also understand, thanks to this article, that the recommended daily amount of fat for young boys and girls is between 70 and 85g per day. But for instance, if children eat foods like sweets, pizza, snacks and soda in one day, they could consume nearly 133g of fat which is too high for the young / (pas de "the")young people.

So we can talk now about the solutions we have to face the/ this problem. We can make something for these children. According to Phil Thomas the Trading Standards Institute spokesman, parents should check the amounts of fat and salt when they choose foods for their children. To help them, supermarkets could simply use a system of different colors which shows directly the level of fat or salt or sugar. Then, if a product indicates "green", it would mean that it's a good health food.

But there's another solution tested in France which is not mentioned in this article. French Tv decided to write an additional caption in the ads about food. So now in France we can see something like "éviter de manger trop salé ou trop sucré" (tu devrais le traduire "don't eat too much salt and sweets" par exemple) . It's another way of prevention to inform, not just parents who buy food, but also children who are eating food in front of the television.

As a conclusion, we can tell that , this text tells us about / highlights a society problem, the way of eating. We understood --> understand that many children could develop diseases due to a bad way of eating but we know now that there are many solutions to face this problem too.

J'ai mis en rouge ce que j'aurais changé.

[koralyie]

Je vous remercie tous pour votre aide.

J'ai passé mon oral d'anglais aujourd'hui.

Le jury était très gentil, pour mon oral j'ai du chercher mes mots pour répondre aux questions dc cétai moyen.

J'ai eu un article de CBS news sur un gamin de 13 ans qui avait dessiné des armes et qui avait été viré de lécole en amérique. Donc le thème : armes et violence à l'école, assez intéressant.

Merci encore !

Pour moi, maintenant c'est VACANCES !